Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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