video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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