You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
