I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
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The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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