the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
