i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
