Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
