I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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