It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
