i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
