also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
