just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
