it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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