I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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