Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
