what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
