My balls are so social today.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
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I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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