allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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