he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
