So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
