youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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