If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
