woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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