Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
