He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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