is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
