my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
