Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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