"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
PANTIES FOUND
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Come on in and take your pants off
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