Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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