Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
