I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
