U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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