he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
