One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
