My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize