I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
