did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
