Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
