In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
