i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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