my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
