i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
