Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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