I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
jump out the window naked night went bad
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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