So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize