Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
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I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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