you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
