i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
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False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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