I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
