we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
