There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
