hotel room ftw
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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