So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
