My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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