Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
