i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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