Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
