friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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