walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
