I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
