Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
