I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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