Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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