try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
