Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
