you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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