I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
