a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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