AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
