when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My feet surprised me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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