this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
