Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
