ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
