I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
