Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
