He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
