I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
