Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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