You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
