I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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