They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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