i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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