I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
