You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I've blown a few things in my day
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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